Remembering that all is an offering...

(This post was written a month ago.)

So here we are. I have not written last week because I was preparing my Anusara Yoga Teacher training final exams. What a journey. A journey I almost did not finish.

Let me explain myself.

These past few months have been very challenging health wise. First , there was the miscarriage in November that went terribly wrong and for which I had to have an emergency procedure done a week before Christmas – six weeks after the initial miscarriage. All this blood I lost made me borderline anemic, and I struggled with every shred of courage I could muster to accept it and make peace with this lost. Even as I write these words, tears are coming to my eyes. Loosing a child is not an easy thing, whether we carry it for a few weeks or hold it in our arms for years. Because, from the moment we are aware of his presence, we carry him in our hearts. Always.

And then, there were post-surgery infections that required further visits at the hospital. When this chapter was over, both Sweetie and I were hit with a case of sinusitis and bronchitis so strong that we were sick for a month.

There was a moment when I thought that maybe the Universe was showing me that I was not supposed to do this. And yet… and yet, this longing to learn to teach yoga in a way that I could touch people’s Heart, not just move their bodies. The intention so strongly held in my heart to uplift people, to help them see their beauty and goodness. Because this world needs it so much. Because our children are taught from such an early age that they have to be something else than they are in order to be loved. Because women, our sisters and mothers, feel they continuously have to achieve a certain look, or have a carrier, or have children, or be anything else that is not really part of their core belief in order to be worthy. Because I walk on the streets of my neighborhood with my daughter in her stroller, and I see all these girls that need to prostitute themselves in order to get a “fix” that will make them feel better because they have lost the Map to their Heart.

And so, with the encouragement from my very dear friends Sonia and Beatrice, and my Husband’s unshakable faith in me, I decided to show up. Just offer the best of myself, holding firm to my intention, in spite of the lack of practice and study. The morning of my practice teaching exam, feeling nervous to the core, I drew an Angel card asking for help. The card I picked was “Have you asked your angels for help with this problem?”. Just as I was throwing my hands up in the air in exasperation, I knew. I was relying only on myself, when in fact this venture of teaching yoga is an offer. An offer to be of service to the Divine. The little me had to step aside so that the Self could do its work.

And I feel so grateful for rising up to the occasion.

Image taken from http://s85.photobucket.com/home/love4364