Remembering that all is an offering...

(This post was written a month ago.)

So here we are. I have not written last week because I was preparing my Anusara Yoga Teacher training final exams. What a journey. A journey I almost did not finish.

Let me explain myself.

These past few months have been very challenging health wise. First , there was the miscarriage in November that went terribly wrong and for which I had to have an emergency procedure done a week before Christmas – six weeks after the initial miscarriage. All this blood I lost made me borderline anemic, and I struggled with every shred of courage I could muster to accept it and make peace with this lost. Even as I write these words, tears are coming to my eyes. Loosing a child is not an easy thing, whether we carry it for a few weeks or hold it in our arms for years. Because, from the moment we are aware of his presence, we carry him in our hearts. Always.

And then, there were post-surgery infections that required further visits at the hospital. When this chapter was over, both Sweetie and I were hit with a case of sinusitis and bronchitis so strong that we were sick for a month.

There was a moment when I thought that maybe the Universe was showing me that I was not supposed to do this. And yet… and yet, this longing to learn to teach yoga in a way that I could touch people’s Heart, not just move their bodies. The intention so strongly held in my heart to uplift people, to help them see their beauty and goodness. Because this world needs it so much. Because our children are taught from such an early age that they have to be something else than they are in order to be loved. Because women, our sisters and mothers, feel they continuously have to achieve a certain look, or have a carrier, or have children, or be anything else that is not really part of their core belief in order to be worthy. Because I walk on the streets of my neighborhood with my daughter in her stroller, and I see all these girls that need to prostitute themselves in order to get a “fix” that will make them feel better because they have lost the Map to their Heart.

And so, with the encouragement from my very dear friends Sonia and Beatrice, and my Husband’s unshakable faith in me, I decided to show up. Just offer the best of myself, holding firm to my intention, in spite of the lack of practice and study. The morning of my practice teaching exam, feeling nervous to the core, I drew an Angel card asking for help. The card I picked was “Have you asked your angels for help with this problem?”. Just as I was throwing my hands up in the air in exasperation, I knew. I was relying only on myself, when in fact this venture of teaching yoga is an offer. An offer to be of service to the Divine. The little me had to step aside so that the Self could do its work.

And I feel so grateful for rising up to the occasion.

Image taken from http://s85.photobucket.com/home/love4364

It is never just a dandelion...

So, I have been feeling a bit down these past few days. Maybe it’s coming back to our home, which is located in the city, with lots of concrete and car noises, after spending a week in a little house we rented in the country. I guess I miss seeing the wind play with the budding leaves, making ripples on the little pond, and hearing the birds chirping. There were no other sounds than these: the wind and the birds. It was sort of like being in a constant state of meditation – this feeling of spaciousness, of being connected to the "earth" and now, of just BEING.

Or maybe it is coming back to a home that is being slowly transformed into a house – a house for sale. We decided it was time to move for a variety of reasons, and had the house repainted and began the home staging process, where basically everything that is remotely personal has to be removed from sight. No family pictures. No memorabilia of trips we took. No kid’s painting and crafts hanging on the fridge. It is a bit like the soul of the house has been taken away.

So for the past few days, I have felt a bit lost, wondering where I belong in this house and this world, asking myself a whole bunch of questions about a lot of different subjects (that is soooo me…). This morning, we were greeted with the bluest of sky and the most sparkling sun, and Sweetie, my little 2.5 year old girl, asked if we could go to the park.

But even walking to the park with that amazing sun did not lift my spirit. I felt lost and frazzled. While playing with Sweetie, a little girl of maybe 4 years old approached me and, looking straight at me with her blue eyes, she said “I know you.” (Je te connais, toi.). I looked at her and said, a bit mesmerized by the intensity of the look in her eyes, that yes, maybe we did know each other. She then left to play with her friends, only to come back a minute later with this one single dandelion in her hand that she had picked for me.

My eyes just welled with tears and I thanked her. Then, all of a sudden, all those little girls came to me, each holding one dandelion in their hands.

To say that I was moved is an understatement.

I call this Grace in action.

Thank you. Thank you for reminding me that Love surrounds and enfolds me no matter what. Thank you for reminding me to stay present. Thank you for showing me that beauty can be found everywhere, if we just look with the eyes of a child. And thank you for “knowing” me, in the middle of a park, on a windy sunny day and for your gift of Love.

Picture taken from weblog.johnwmacdonald.com/.../cut-dandelion.html

A new adventure begins....

I have been thinking about creating a blog for a few months now, but stepped back out of fear and lack of confidence.

Two weeks ago, something happened that made me realize that I did not have to prove anything to anyone – that I should just follow my heart in Its intelligent longing for It has never failed me – on the contrary, It has always showed me the way to the outmost Joy.

As long as I listen with integrity to my Soul’s desires and that I put Love for myself, my family and friends and all the people and creatures that inhabit and enhance our wonderful planet first, and respect and revere this beautiful Life in all of its manifestations, I should trust my Inner Truth. As Kahlil Gibran, whose writing are always a source of inspiration for me, says:

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself.

To melt and be like a running brook

that sings its melody to the night.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart

and give thanks for another day of loving.

May this journey be one of Love. Of Love of what is. For what is now is the manifestation of the outmost perfection.

I hope you join me. It will be an Heartfelt ride!

To, and with, Love & Joy,

Isabelle